Expressin Real Love

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How do we express real love to others?

There are so many misconceptions on how to express love. Spending all your time with them, calling frequently, saying "I love you" enough times, providing things, sex, etc, are all pieces of a big messed up puzzle that we have all spent time trying to put together in are own lives. I consider 1Corinthians:3 to be the best working definition for love of all time.

The first two elements are probably the most familiar. Love is patient. Love is kind. Can an abstract concept like love actually be patient? Or could it be that this verse is secretly giving us instructions? Part of showing love to someone is being patient with them and showing them kindness. I don't know about you, but I get antsy when I have to wait longer than 7 minutes in line for anything. Patience is hard me and chances are, its hard for you too. If I love you, I work the hardest I can at being patient with you and if I'm not having a good day or week (or year) at it, that's ok because if you love me back, you'll be patient with me.

Kindness is something I find harder to define. For me it is easier say when something is not kind that figure out what is. The key here is not that love itself is a kind thing, but that the act of loving another must incorporate being kind. I find it interesting that sex does not fall into either of those categories.

Sometimes in life, we best learn what something is by learning what something is not. In this case, expressing love is one of those things. Love does not envy. Love does not boast. Love is not proud. I am certain that many times in my life, I have felt or have been any three of things. Heck, I've probably been all three at once.

In The Message bible, it is put this way: Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut. Doesn't have a swelled head. Is it making a little more sense? You could group these three characteristics as "self focused." A person who is always longing for the things they don't have (better relationship, more money, cuter guy, bigger house, etc), is letting everyone around him know how fantastic and successful he is, and spending his time thinking about himself and his accomplishments cannot be truly thinking of others and their needs; he's too preoccupied with thinking of himself!

We have to remember to keep selfish thoughts under control. Its ok to want things. God wants us to ask Him for these desires of the heart and wait on Him. Let's be careful not to let these wants take hold of our hearts at the expense of the ones we are working so hard to show love.
Over the past few days, I've noticed that while I am able to wait a long time for things to happen or take effect, I have been very short tempered with my kids. When I speak and act out of anger, I always say or behave in a way that is NOT how I would want my own kids to behave towards others. When my wife or kids see me quickly lose my temper, it makes them feel as though their entire world is hanging on a thread. On the verge of losing control.

Please don't get the wrong idea here, I'm not storming about launching objects in the air, but my yelling or harsh tone seems to come all too quickly these past few days and I know that it does not make my family feel loved. If you have found yourself in situations like these, don't beat yourself up or allow guilt to become shame and bury you. Remember, love always perseveres, and your family does love you!Arguments with the ones we love happen all the time but have you ever found yourself dredging up old accounts of wrong doing or time that you'd been hurt or let down to help make a point? Maybe you weren't even honestly trying to make a point more than you were just intently trying to push some buttons because you were mad. Part of expressing your love to another person is deciding not to keep a record of their wrongs. In a sense, forgiveness. You have to show that person that you can forgive them which is different than just saying you do.

When you tell someone that they are forgiven, it somehow lifts a great burden off their shoulders, but maybe not yours. You might really still feel hurt or upset and feel that you can't argue or try to communicate that hurt because you basically just told them you'd forget about it when you forgave them. Forgetting and forgiving are not one and the same. Forgiving means not ever accusing the offender again. Forgiveness is a complete and full pardon. You can still discuss and talk about the hurt you had felt - you don't have to forget. What you have to control is the urge to throw it out and wield that sinful or hurtful act like a dagger in their face whenever you are angry again.